Well, folks, we were in the clink this past weekend. It wasn’t for any past priors. In fact, I have a spotless criminal record, with the exception of that one unpaid parking ticket…ok ok, two parking tickets.
Instead, we were thrown in prison for all the right reasons: a warm place to rest our heads, nice amenities like a big roomy bathroom, an HDTV and robes…warm WARM robes. Isn’t that why every criminal goes to jail? For the HDTV and the primo living conditions?
The good news is that we weren’t actually in prison, we were just in a refurbished prison. At one time, the Suffolk County Prison stood in Boston, Massachusetts. After much debate on the quality of the prison, it was eventually shut down and remained empty for quite some time. It seems, then, that the only logical thing to do to a former prison, is to not let it lie vacant like a creepy abandoned mental institution (shuttering at the thought of the Shutter Island movie, and now noticing the pun). Rather, the best thing to do is to turn the prison into a hip, high-class, five star hotel.
To be honest, I didn’t even know the history of the Liberty Hotel building. When we walked in, we walked into a vast open night club. There was absolutely no sign that this was once a hoosegow. Music was bouncing (the good kind, like Lady Gaga and Ke$ha, notice the $arca$m), people were sipping on various liquors and were dressed to the proverbial nines on all three floors of the lobby.
We were even offered a glass of champagne upon check-in. One of the best things about being married to a guy who doesn’t drink alcohol is that I get doubles for drinks. The mister wouldn’t drink his glass of champagne, so he handed it to me and I double fisted all the way to the elevators. If only he didn’t want chocolate….and steak…and lobster.
Our complimentary champagne. Let’s get this party started!Our room was also pleasant, with Molton Brown toiletries, tiny Belgian chocolates, a big TV and a decent view of all the glorious snow falling over the city.
The Liberty Hotel room Some complimentary chocolates at the Liberty Hotel…and a hair brush. Nothing better than smelling like a pepper: Molton Brown toiletries. Snow, snow flurries and snow capped Boston.The one thing I really liked about the hotel was the attention to detail: Instead of a “Do Not Disturb” sign for our door, we got a large ornament key with a muslin sign that said “solitary.” The hotel restaurant is called the “Clink.” The hotel is called LIBERTY Hotel, something those prisoners never saw much of. But, this is the kind of ironic attention-to-detail I like.
The only downside was the heater. In Boston in February, it’s colder than my daily frigid bitchness. Every time the heater automatically turned off, the entire ceiling creaked. But, I guess that’s why god made earplugs.
There was one other downside. The iPOD alarm clock. It was set to 6:45 and did the best thing it knows how to do: wake us up.
So, it pinged and in a sleepy stupor, I slammed my hand on any button I could find. That button was the volume button. It did exactly what I thought it would do, which is turn up.
I could hear the mister rustling and he mumbled: “just turn it off.” I fumbled for more buttons and managed to turn it off. We were safe….until 8:00 when the same alarm dinged even louder than our previous wake up call.
At this point, I was still tired, so I tried every thing I could to turn it off, even attempting to hurl it against the wall. Again the mister rustled and requested loudly to “just unplug it.” “Don’t you think I want to do that!?” I yelled as I tried to rip the cords out of the wall.
In the midst of all the dinging and subsequent cursing, including “what the hell?” and “who wakes up at 6:45 and again at 8?” I found the power off button, which was right there in the front, by the way. I’ve learned my lesson: always check hotel alarm clocks.
Despite the alarm clock, the Liberty Hotel was very close to transportation. Right across the street was the Boston Metro’s Charles MGH station. About a half-mile away from the hotel was the start of the Freedom Trail. The point here is, the LIBERTY Hotel, which was once a prison, is situated very nicely to major attractions in Boston. And it sits very close to the FREEDOM Trail; I’m sure a trail that most of those prisoners would have like to take, had it taken them directly to Mexico.
This hotel is quite nice, and this is coming from someone with a staunchly non-criminal background with the exception of the two parking tickets. Actually, it’s three parking tickets. Just four tickets and that is all. Only five tickets blemish my record and all 7 of them will be paid off very soon.
Actually, it’s 11.
What’s your favorite hotel experience? Ever spent the night in the clink? Do you want to finally ‘fess up to those unpaid parking tickets?
WONDERing what’s next? Join us on our next adventure via email! Go nuts!
